Is living together before marriage wrong?

by Alan Day                                                                                                 Vol. XVIII, No. 7, August 2005

     pastor of First Baptist Church, Edmond, OK

Question: I'm a single adult and deeply in love with my fiancé. We go to worship every Sunday. We are living together. Does the Bible say our relationship is wrong?

Answer: You are part of a growing number of Christian young adults who have chosen to live with their fiancés before marriage. I'm glad you care about what the Bible teaches Let’s look at just one Scripture passage.

Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage, must be respected by all, and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge immoral people and adulterers." To "respect" marriage means to recognize its divine origin and to honor its moral authority. In light of this passage, you might ask yourself: "How can I respect the sacred and holy character of marriage more: by living with my partner without being legally committed to him or by taking the vow before appropriate witnesses and pledging to the Lord that I will be faithful to my spouse until death?"

Another question should also occur to you: "What will honor the Lord more?" Is He honored and revered when couples live together without marriage? Is the sacredness of sexual relations maintained in this way? Is the New Testament view of marriage upheld and God's purpose fulfilled? If we live together without marriage, are we bearing a clear witness to the truth of the Scripture and the love and wisdom of Christ?

Back to the passage in Hebrews. The writer says "the marriage bed (should be) kept undefiled." The term "marriage bed" is a euphemism for sexual relations. God cares about our sexual activity. We can defile the marriage bed in two ways: by participating in sexual activity without the benefit of marriage (immorality) and by engaging in sexual activity after marriage with someone other than our spouse (adultery).

Notice the inspired writer warns that "God will judge" those who fail to respect marriage, and who defile the marriage bed. God is a gracious and loving Father, and He has enormous patience with his weak and erring children. But such clear warnings as Hebrews 13:4 should cause us to think carefully about the consequences of trifling with marriage.

Let me paraphrase this scripture to emphasize the force of the divine logic: "The institution of marriage must be honored by every Christian, and the beauty and holiness of sexual relations must not be corrupted by engaging in sexual activity before marriage or outside of the sacred bond of matrimony. God will hold you accountable for honoring this principle.” [BP]