True Love Does Wait

by Gary Ledbetter                                                                                  Vol. VI, No. 7, September 1993

[Gary Ledbetter is editor of the Indiana Baptist. Below is his 20 July editorial.]

The positive sexual morality initiative being promoted by the Youth Ministry section of the Sunday School Board deserves widespread support. "True Love Waits" is an effort to get 100,000 Baptist teenagers to make a covenant to abstain from sex outside marriage. It has received some notoriety because the "quaintness" of the idea brought news teams to our churches after the program was announced. A program like this has the potential to address (not solve, certainly) a wide range of problems from abortion to divorce. The aspect of moral challenge and positive peer pressure will appeal to and assist some kids. I encourage all our churches and families to take up this call to life affirming morality.

It is the intent of "True Love Waits" that the program begins with a family worship time that "addresses biblical standards of sexual behavior." This crucial family support will be the most important link as well as the biggest challenge to the effort. There is a tendency among American families to depend heavily on public institutions to solve difficult problems for us. This transfer [of responsibility] has extended to our churches. The teaching of biblical morals is an outstanding example of this voluntary abdication of responsibility.

The moral debate is complex. It includes the aspect of decency in the entertainment media, it includes sex education and birth control, it includes all manner of things that affect the stability of families and the character of individuals. Many external influences come to bear on parents and children. There is really no way to avoid the fact that others with whom we do not always agree will have some say in the way we think. However, no influence can truly compete with that of a family. What we see as a loss of parental effectiveness may instead be surrender to or even collaboration with the popular culture and its values.

Parents have become too hesitant to make definite decisions for their kids. I have spoken with other parents, for ex ample, who have said things like "Well I guess we could just: a) turn off the TV, b) takeout the cable, c) tell the kids they can't go, d) set a curfew, (pick one) but wouldn't that be a bit extreme?" Extreme to whom?

The folks from Planned Parenthood think "True Love waits" is cute and probably well meant, but not serious or realistic – they think it's extreme. Guys like Norman Lear, Steven Bocho, and Hugh Hefner think traditional standards of decency as they apply to television and movies are repressive, puritanical, and unenlightened – extreme. "Artists" like Madonna, 2 Live Crew, and Alice Cooper think that public sex, violent rape, and necrophilia are fit subjects for top 40 radio – not extreme.

Parents do set the moral tone for their homes, actively or passively. No one else can do it more effectively.

Don't dodge the fact that Planed Parenthood, Hugh Hefner, and Madonna already have the ear of our kids. If they go to public schools, it is likely that a spokesman for Planned Parenthood will be chosen to talk about AIDS, birth control, abortion, or even dating. If you have cable TV, you probably have some kind of music video channel, both of the channels which target teenagers also advertise for Playboy magazine. If your kids listen to the radio or watch music videos, they know that Madonna sings about sex, anytime or with anyone or anything. It is extreme in the eyes of this culture for you as a parent to encourage or require that your kids live in a way that is essentially counter-cultural. It is counter-cultural and extreme for you to remain married to the same person for life. It is counter-cultural and extreme for your kids to obey and respect their parents or any other authority. May God forgive us for what we call extreme in America.

"True Love Waits" is a great idea that I endorse without reservation. It is also an attempt by churches to address problems caused in most cases by too timid parents. This timidity is often to blame for the fact that there is almost no difference in the rate of teenage sexual behavior between church kids and non-church kids. It is a shame that there is a need for this program. Parents do set the moral tone for their homes, actively or passively. No one else can do it more effectively. I am grateful that this initiative on the part of the Sunday School Board begins with this awareness. I also hurt for the families which instead choose to allow outsiders with a strange agenda to explain these vital matters to our own Christian kids. Parents, imperfect, mortal, and fearful will continue to have more impact on their kids than anyone else. We have this impact whether we do anything or not. Here's a chance for us to show our children that our love for them is also true. True enough that we will lead our homes once again.