Godly Husbands Create Godly Wives

by Jon Walker                                                                                          Vol. VI, No. 7, September 1993

[Jon Walker is a student at Southeastern Seminary.]

Christian men need to lead their wives with love, said Dr. Dorothy Patterson, addressing the men of Southeastern during a presentation sponsored by the school's Student Wives Fellowship. Patterson, saying she was going to be their "momma for a little bit," told the men their families should be a priority, even over their ministries.

"The home and the family are the very dearest things to the heart of God Himself," Patterson, wife of Southeastern President Paige Patterson said. "If the truth were known, I think you would have a very difficult time preaching to your congregation week by week, or communicating the Gospel, or discipling a new convert, if it were not for the model you are supposed to have in the family."

Patterson said she wanted the men to understand, from a woman's perspective, what a godly wife needs from her husband: headship and love. Headship, Patterson said, means the husband provides servant leadership within the home, and once that leadership is established, the wife's most natural response is submission. She said one of the most common complaints she hears among Christian women is that their husbands do not provide spiritual leadership within the home.

"You would be amazed at how heartbreaking it is to the wife of an equipping minister when, in her own home, her husband does not do anything more than pray over the meal," Patterson said. The feminine nature is the antithesis of masculinity, Patterson said; it is also complementary to it. She said there are distinct differences between men and women, that unless understood, will lead to communication problems between couples. For instance, God has built a maternal instinct into women that draws them to their nurturing role.

As an example, Patterson pointed out that Hannah's husband could not console the grief she had over her barrenness. "I'm sure he poured out on her expressions of love and concern," Patterson said, "but he could not fill that need in her life because God had placed in her very nature a maternal instinct." Patterson added, "So when you have little ones running around at home and when your wife may not have supper on the table at the right time, or when she's made some other grave mistake, keep in mind that the maternal instinct which drives her to meet the needs of your children is something that God built into her and that is actually part of her responsibility to you. She helps you by being the mother she ought to be to her children."

Patterson said women are also emotionally, intellectually, socially, and spiritually different than men. All these factors compel women to approach life from a different perspective than men, and husbands need to understand that as they support their wives. "No one in this world can bring your wife to excellence any better than you can," Patterson said. "You hold a key, and some of the things that annoy you the most about your wife may be the very things that are her greatest assets if you will learn to analyze, study, challenge, and mold her. She needs you to do that."

Citing the Genesis account of Adam and Eve, Patterson said the Bible teaches that a man should love his wife by providing for her, protecting her, and leading her. He can do this through intimacy, gentleness, loyalty, patience, forgiveness, service, and romance. "Romance has to do with words and deeds, not just the invisible," she said. According to Patterson, this means a husband should affirm his wife, particularly within the context of her home or work, by treating her to things she considers important, and doing the unexpected.

"God has given us very explicit directions in the book of Proverbs about how we should communicate with one another and how we are to build up one another," Patterson said. Patterson pointed out Deuteronomy 24:5 explains that a new husband should take one year off from his duties so he can spend time with his wife. She said she has told Paige Patterson rather than take a whole year off, he can give her attention one day at a time. [Southeastern Outlook]