The Importance of Parents, God's Plan Still Best

by Dr. James Dobson                                                                                        Vol. VI, No. 5, June 1993

[The following is reprinted from Focus on the Family Magazine, May 1993, "Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions."]

Q: I've heard that children, even those under 5, don't really need the extensive nurturing and involvement of their mothers. The idea is that they become more independent and assertive if raised in various child-care settings. What do you think?

A: I attended a national conference on child development in Miami some years ago. Virtually every report of research presented during that three-day meeting ended with the same conclusion: The mother-child relationship is absolutely vital to healthy development of children.

The final speaker of the conference was Dr. Urie Bronfenbrenner, a renowned authority on child development. He concluded his remarks by saying that feminine responsibilities are so vital to the next generation that the future of our nation actually depends on how we "see' our women. I agree.

Nevertheless, modern women are struggling to convince themselves that the state sponsored child-care centers offer a convenient substitute for the traditional family concept. It will not work! It hasn't succeeded in the countries where it has been tried. As Dr. Bronfenbrenner wrote:

"...with the withdrawal of social supports for the family to which I alluded ... the position of women and mothers has become more and more isolated. With the breakdown of the community, the neighborhood and the extended family, an increasing responsibility for the care and upbringing of children has fallen on the young mother. Under these circumstances, it is not surprising that many young women in America are in revolt. I understand and share their sense of rage, but I fear the consequences of some of the solutions they advocate, which will have the effect of isolating children still further from the kind of care and attention they need."

Children cannot raise themselves properly. This fact was illustrated again in a recent conversation with a research psychologist who visited my office. He had been studying the early childhoods of inmates at a state prison in Arizona. He and his associates were seeking to discover the common characteristics that the prisoners shared, hoping to unlock the causes for their antisocial behavior.

It was initially assumed that poverty would be the common thread, but their findings contradicted those expectations. The inmates came from all socioeconomic levels, though most of them attempted to excuse their crimes by professing to have been poor. Instead, the researchers discovered one fundamental characteristic shared by the men: an absence of adult contact in their early home lives. As children, they spent most of their time with their peers ... or all alone.

Such was the childhood of Lee Harvey Oswald, Charles Manson, and many other perpetrators of violent crimes later in life. The conclusion is inescapable: There is no substitute for loving parental leadership in the early development of children.